James S Potter Wingman in Nappies A Dramione Fanfic
by IRiSEaGLes
Summary: One Shot. EWE. Malfoy is a healer at St Mungo's that is asked to make a house call to the Potter's to help with their newborn James. What happens when "Auntie Granger" is also there?


"Hurry up Harry," the red Weasel that has been a constant annoyance for most of my life bemoaned. "We have to get these physicals done before the next mission."

"Well if you would be so kind as to tell your nephew to sleep more than 30 minutes at a stretch, maybe I would be more functioning. There's only so much that coffee can overcome."

I sat back laughing as I had two of the most famous wizards in recent history bitching like an old married couple. Now it probably was my bad to voice that opinion, even to myself, but of course they heard.

"What did you say Malfoy?" Weasel must have found something offensive, yet I was just being honest.

"I just said that the only reason the kid is Weasel's nephew is because the two of you haven't figured out how to conceive a child together. Now is the correct term 'partners' or is there some other terminology that is more apropos?" I admit that was one of my better commentaries, and I deserved the hex that I received because of it.

"Malfoy, I'll have you know my sex life," the red head started to rant…

"Is lacking based on your physical. So don't even try to lie to me Weasley." Potter got a slight chuckle out of that. Even if the physical didn't say it was lacking, I would say it was. But for some reason, there is an abnormal amount of sperm that seems to be pent up, implying that he isn't even satisfying himself. That must really suck if he can't even relieve himself on occasion.

"I was going to say, is better than yours, since at least I go to bed with someone next to me."

"Potter doesn't count Weasley." Again, I deserved that hex too. I know Weasley has a steady girlfriend, who I honestly don't care. But since about three years ago, when he and Granger broke it off, well he's been known to bounce around. This is the first semblance of him settling down yet that I've heard of. But sex… doesn't look like he's getting any.  
"Now Potter," I turn my attention to the less obnoxious of the two wizards in front of me, "as much as this pains me to say, I have to agree with Weasley. You are not fit for duty in your state. Neither field work nor desk duty. You need at least three hours of sleep per night. Until then, I'm sending you home. We need you to think clearly and be able to move. Last thing I need to hear from Granger is that you got yourself injured – again."

"Yeah, use 'Mione as an excuse, Malfoy. I know there is something bigger going on. I still don't trust you." How in bloody hell can I get this hot-headed, red faced and even more red haired, oaf to shut up?

Weasley isn't completely wrong though, there is something bigger. I plan on asking out his best friend. Granger. Not Potter. I don't bat for that team as they say. But Granger… Our relationship went from professional to friendship, but she grows on you – like her hair. It infiltrates all the small recesses of your brain and next thing you know that is all you can think about. At least that's how she is with me. Every coffee we have together where we can spend an hour seemingly talking about nothing and everything at the same time is the highlight of my days.

Getting hexed by her two best friends, isn't. Hearing her upset that Potter managed to get his arse in a bind and is in the hospital – again – isn't on my favorite things list either. So my job today is to justify having him home so my sanity and my hopefully-girlfriend-to-be's sanity is intact.

"Malfoy, I hate to ask," a resigned savior to the wizarding world begins, somewhat humbly if I do say so myself, "could you maybe come over and look at James? Honestly we timed him, he wakes up every 30 minutes and it is trying on Ginny and me both."

"Sure I can do something off the books to have the best auror back in business. Can't have dark wizards roaming the countryside unchecked." I glare at Weasley as I do a bad self-derogation. Plus having Ginny Potter on my side is always a good thing. Having her on your bad side can cost you in flesh and sanity. "I can come after work today if that is convenient. Say about 6?"

"Perfect. You can stay for dinner. Hermione's coming over to help with the baby this afternoon so Ginny can get some sleep. Putting my wife's fears at rest and getting some decent sleep will mean the world to us Malfoy. Thank you. You have no idea how much."

I'll hold him to that. That may sound a little evil of me, but I am not anything if not a true Slytherin. I will take this and use it to my advantage. Dinner with Granger there is just a bonus.

The rest of the physicals go smoothly, well as smoothly as a bunch of accident and injury prone wizards and witches is expected. No one is put on leave like I had to do with Potter tough. Crap I'm going to have to explain it to Granger and probably tonight. But if I can give a solution to the baby's sleeping problems and get her best friend back to duty, she'll see me as a savior. Right? Yeah. Where is the bloody confidence I'm known for? Oh yeah, somewhere tangled in Granger's hair.

This is one of those times that I wish I had better friends than the morons that I do. There is no way on this side of Hades that I can confide in any of them without at least getting slapped in the back of the head for ruining my family name just by considering dating a muggle-born. I need to find a way to keep my cool while holding in one of the biggest secrets ever.

I end up at the Potters home, just before our appointed time, and Granger opens the door holding a crying newborn. Damn if my insides don't go weak at this sight.

"Oh thank Merlin," there is stress in her voice signaling that the baby's crying hasn't just begun, "Harry said you were coming over. Come in please. Ginny and Harry are sleeping upstairs." She doesn't sound upset with me for taking him off duty, but it is still early. I follow her inside, and upstairs to a study. I've been here before, I did a favor or two for the family of the Chosen One – once for Ginny Potter when she was pregnant and was worried something was wrong, and a couple of home visits for Potter himself when he was recouping from his many 'adventures'. "In here. I have every silencing charm on the room so the parents can sleep. When Harry said you were coming over, I think Ginny was ready to bypass any Order of Merlin and nominate you for sainthood."

I chuckle, "Potter was pretty much saying the same about you and all the help you've given. Now let me see this baby." I divest myself of my robes, jacket, and waistcoat before taking the little guy in my hands. Honestly, watching Granger cradle and rock the baby is what was having me drag my feet. She is a natural: graceful, caring, nurturing; a natural mum.

When she hands me the baby I start taking him down to his nappy and she gets slightly indignant, "Must you undress yourself _and_ James?"

"Granger, I am a Healer, and I know babies. They spit up, puke, their nappies explode. I've had it all happen on me at one time or another. I would rather not have to replace another suit and robe. Especially when that is my favorite robe." I chuckle turning my attention to the infant who does look eerily like his father, I put on my 'baby' voice, "Now to you, there is so much that a wand can tell but with little ones like you are right now, it is hands on that tells the most information." I check his head - no problems with his soft spot, down his jawline – no inflamed glands, and I keep going until I reach his abdomen. "My you take after your uncle Weasel now don't you?" He looks at me with his eyes shining and not from tears for the first time since I got here. "Granger, is his abdomen this distended regularly?"

"You'd have to check with Harry or Ginny, but all the time I am with him, yes. Why? Is there something wrong with James? Can you heal him?" She sounds like his mother, or at least she's bracing me for what Ginny Potter will sound like.

"His mum is nursing, correct?" She looks on the baby but nods to me. "He'll be fine Granger." I hold the newborn up to my chest and the poor baby releases a gas bubble that had to be the size of him. "Yeah, that's what was bothering you now wasn't it. You feel better little man." I see a smile on his face, though I know it really isn't a smile of happiness just relief.

"Malfoy," she sounds apprehensive, "you really have a way with him. But yeah, Ginny is nursing."

I sit down on a large brown leather chair and prop my feet up with the matching ottoman. "Any chance I can get some parchment and quill? I am going to write her some changes to her diet. I think he most likely is lactose intolerant." I see her rushing around, with a sense of relief plastered on her face. When she leaves the room for a minute I look down at the sleeping newborn, "Thanks little man. You're the best wingman a guy could ask for. One day, hopefully I'll tell you the story of how you got me and your aunt Granger together."

The bouncing brunette returns and like she was in school, quill and parchment at the ready. "Harry is a little disorganized, sorry. It took me a bit to find a quill that wasn't broken."

"That's fine, gave me and James here a chance to talk. Now let me see this." I scribble down a list of foods to avoid and ones to replace them with. Then the next list I go down any nuts, just in case he has a nut allergy, and what can be used to replace those. From there we will play it by ear. But when I'm done with the list I look down at the baby who is still asleep on my chest. I start unbuttoning my shirt and I hear Granger gasp. "Granger, this is a Muggle technique called skin-to-skin. Nothing sexual about it." Unless it is getting her aroused, like it honestly is me thinking of her doing this one day for her own child – hopefully our child. I lay the baby on his stomach on my bare chest. I take a chance and look over at her, she's blushing. "Maybe I should go over this list with you, since it doesn't seem like the Potters are waking up anytime soon and I don't think this Potter will let me move now."

I hear her chuckle, it is like golden sunshine after a summer rain – warming and clearing your mind, "Fine. Though I have never seen James sleep like that. Everything Ginny read," I give her the side stink eye, "fine everything I read for Ginny said that sleeping on their stomach was bad."

"Let me say that when your stomach is filled with gas that hurts being on your stomach is better. Plus sleeping on someone's chest, you are likely to feel every little movement the baby makes. I would recommend Potter be the one to be his son's mattress for the time being, since his wife has to adjust her diet for the lad. All I am recommending at least for the first two weeks is eliminating dairy." I hand the parchment over to Granger, "If that doesn't work, then we go on to nuts. It is an elimination diet, find what makes him sick and eliminate it. At this point I don't want him to go through any undue tests, so Ginny is the one that will have to eliminate foods from her diet."

"Honestly, at this point Malfoy, she'll do almost anything. If you tell her to stand on her head atop Big Ben at high noon, she'd do it."

I withhold a laugh so the baby isn't disturbed. "Nah, but I am also going to write her a script when I get to my desk tomorrow. A simple potion for her to take with each meal. It should help speed up the removal of lactose that is already in his system." I look down again. "I think I am going to be stuck here for a while."

She smiles, "There are worse places to be I would think." This, right now, is on the top of my best places in the world to be right now. "I'm going to finish up dinner. Harry said you're staying?"

I nod. "I think I might be staying in this position though," cracking a half smile.

She laughs again, "I'll make you a plate. Maybe he'll be hungry for his mommy when he smells the food and you can move." She stands and starts to leave, only getting to the doorway, "I was going to be mad at you for putting Harry on leave, but then I thought about it. You probably saved my best friend and my godson's father. Thank you. I know it wasn't easy for you to do it, probably getting a lot of flack from the higher ups and all, but thank you."

"Granger, I couldn't have him go into the field like he was. He can't even focus enough to be at his desk and if he was at his desk, we both know he'd find a way in the field. I couldn't in good conscience."

She turned around smiling at me and came over and gave me a kiss on the forehead. "You should be James's godfather. You're looking out for his wellbeing more than Ron."

I am taken back by that comment. I know the blundering baboon of a friend to Potter and Granger wouldn't think twice about jumping into danger, but dragging the father of his newborn godson along? Will he ever grow up?

I know I'm blushing as she leaves the room. "Okay James, let's have a little talk," I begin as I discuss my plans to woo his Aunt Hermione.

The next person I see is Ginny Potter checking up on her son. "Malfoy, how is he still asleep?" she asks with the newborn mum grogginess to her. "I thought 'Mione took him out for a walk, but she said that you're in here with him and he's asleep."

"I think I know the problem, and he seems quite content right now. A little gassy, but nothing that is hurting him like before. Right buddy?" She sees her son giving a toothless smile and I know she's melting.

"How can we ever, ever repay you?" I can think of a few ways, like helping me when I ask your best friend out. "And why are you shirtless?"

"It's a Muggle technique, he seems to like it. I would suggest Potter sleeps like this for a few days with him, at least until we find out what is causing his discomfort."

"Harry and sleep in the same sentence without a 'not' in between will be a blessing. Stay for dinner. Heck stay forever. I'll hire you as a nanny since you seem to speak fluent baby."

I smile, "You can't afford me. But between us"

"You want help with 'Mione? Consider me on team Malfoy." That shocked me and my face probably read it as my eyebrows flew up very undignified. "Don't worry it is only as blatant as could be. I think even Harry has caught on. Why do you think he invited you to dinner tonight? If you really think it was to have him get to sleep… well… you're as dense as him."

"I was hoping, but not putting any money on it."

"Well consider us in your corner from here out. Now give me my baby. He's probably going to be hungry soon."

"And he'll need a clean nappy. That is where I draw the line. I'll change my own kids, but not someone else's." Actually I have changed a number of nappies, and probably before the end of the day James will be included on that list. But right now, not interested.

She nods, "Fair enough. You though have been a miracle worker. Would it be out of line to write something to the hospital to go in your record?"

"Please no!" I probably said that too sharp. I take a breath before continuing, "See, if it gets out that I'm good with babies, the medi-witches will find out, then they will start trying to get me to ask them out. Honestly, St Mungo's is as bad as Hogwarts. Nothing can be kept a secret and I don't need every female there throwing herself at me again. I just nearly have them convinced I'm gay."

Ginny turns red trying not to laugh, "Anyone, and I mean any-one, who went to school with us knows that's a load of hippogriff dung. But I promise I won't. Not until we can get you settled down properly." She winks at me and I don't know if that is a good thing.

We both turn our heads when I hear what only can be described as a troll with a toothache grumbling down the stairs. I can only assume from the look on the new mum's face it is her husband, so I quickly button up my shirt that I forgot was still open.

"Ah Malfoy, didn't know you're here." I nod in acknowledgement. "Hello my loves. Gin, is our son not screaming or did you trade him in for a less defective model?"

She smiles lovingly at him and man it makes me feel awkward. I go back to the chair that I was reclining in and close my eyes so I am not subjected to any additional Potter-making. I hear someone get swatted and think that I am grateful that I wasn't sorted into Gryffindor house, everyone but especially the females seem violent. I would have spent my whole schooling black and blue, not like I wasn't abused but I didn't need it at school also.

When my eyes open, I see a plate sitting next to me and Granger rocking the baby as she hums and paces the room. It is a sight I want to watch forever, it is simple yet beautiful. A mother's love oozes from her, even though the baby in her arms isn't hers. She just has that maternal radiance surrounding her making my heart skip a beat.

"Good evening. I made you a plate. Ginny and Harry inhaled their dinners and went back to sleep. I don't think Harry was even fully awake when he ate. Ginny had to keep elbowing him so he remained upright."

"I didn't expect to fall asleep myself. It just wasn't the easiest day today. And not because of the little one there."

"Tell me about it."

This feels like the most normal thing in my life in a long time. Just being here with Granger, okay so the baby is a non-normal aspect, and talking about my day. "Well 45 auror physicals, 4 on desk duty for injuries sustained and two that needed to be taken to St Mungo's but their egos got in the way, then there was Potter. I guess Weasley made such a stink that I had to justify myself to the Minister. I would much rather be in the triage of the hospital for a triple shift than dealing with the egos of aurors that think their indestructible."

"How did you get assigned to the auror physicals in the first place?"

"I filled in for the regular healer when he was sick. Well his wife was sick, he just stayed home with the 4 kids and sick wife. But then I stood up to Weasley, which is something that isn't hard in reality, I just don't take his ego that stems from being one of the war heroes, and I got the assignment permanently. See what I get for being me? I have to deal with them every four weeks now." I groan as she lets out a breathy chuckle.

"So normally do you deal a lot with newborns?"

"Nah, I try and stay away from babies otherwise the medi-witches get ideas. When I had my rotation in the preemie ward, I felt like a piece of meat daily as they leered at me. It was like I was a walking sperm bank that they all wanted to go into debt with." She was trying not to laugh at that, but it only made her flush in a very flattering shade of pink. "Since then I only deal with babies when they are in triage or about to be admitted, but the basics never left. Maybe I just filed it all away for when I become a dad one day." That was not so subtle, but it is true.

I can tell that something I said got too close to home because she promptly changed the subject, "Eat. Or if you want I can wrap it up for you…"

"And eat by myself at home? I rather like the company if you don't mind." I take the plate filled with roast with a mushroom onion gravy, potatoes au gratin, and some green bean dish.

"I made it. It was my favorite meal growing up." She sits next to me, still holding the baby in her arms. "The green bean casserole is something my aunt taught me. It is a typical American side dish for their Thanksgiving. If I told you what went into it, you'd never eat it. But the concoction works and it is really tasty."

I try that first, and she's right. There are mushrooms, a cream sauce, and something crunchy in there. Whatever it is, the American's have the right idea. "Can you teach it to me? It really is good." She nods as I take a bite of the roast and it is perfect. Even the gravy has a lingering, almost whiskey taste to it.

"I found this ale that is aged in bourbon barrels that I added to the sauce to deglaze the pan. Usually I use red wine, but this gave it a better taste in my opinion."

I nod, "Red wine can be so overused in cooking. And cheap red wine kills a meal. This gives it a more mature and if I dare say, more masculine, flavor palette."

"I'm glad you approve," there is a teasing to her tone as I clean my plate. Honestly, I haven't eaten this well since a miserable date I had a few months back, when I decided once and for all the next date that I went on would be with Granger. I stand to take my dishes to the kitchen, only to have her stop me. "Here you take James, I'll clean up."

Following her directive, and following her into the kitchen, I watch as she ties an apron around her waist before starting the dishes. "Granger, how is your work going? Weren't you last working on something for werewolves?"

She nods but my vision is obscured because my eyes seem glued to her backside. She's standing there in front of the sink, wearing dark navy blue jeans that sit low on her hips and a white off the shoulder peasant top with navy flowers. Her hair is tied up in a messy loose ponytail, probably to keep it out of reach of the newborn's fingers. "I have it named the Lupin Werewolf Rights Act after Remus. It allows for them to work and have time off to recover from their monthlies. Plus it allows for the wolfbane potion to be readily accessible without any registration or stigma. There was such an increase in werewolves after the war, that I had to give them a chance. There is also a pre-secondary school being setup especially for the younger members so they can understand their condition and how to manage the symptoms."

"Well it isn't something terminal, but it is a chronic condition. I keep asking if there is something the hospital can do for them. It is in their patient records the first time that we find out about them. But maybe the hospital can assist with the procuring of the potion for those inflicted. At least it would be better than having to go to an apothecary every month. Muggles have automatic prescription renewal and some prescriptions are sent directly to their home. Something like that could work too."

"Malfoy, you are just full of brilliant ideas! I would love to have the hospital's assistance in the matter. Do you have the pull to do something like this?"

"If I don't, I know who does. I'll talk to him next week. Should I talk to your secretary to set up an appointment?"

"Probably not necessary, at least not this stage of the process. As I get the law more refined, yes."

Damn, I was looking for an excuse to see more of her even if it were on a professional level. We have already worked on some other of the laws she has proposed: wizarding mental health, some magical creature health and safety laws, etc.

I look in my arms at the baby that looks so much like Potter and my mind wanders to what my kids would look like. I know the mum would matter, but there is only one witch that would even be considered for me at this point, and she is standing in front of me in a ruffley apron washing dishes the Muggle way. Would our kids have her curls? My eyes? Oh bloody hell, I'm jumping ahead of myself. I need to find a way to ask her out before I think about kids.

This just feels so normal tough. Sitting in the kitchen, causally talking like this. At least I know that I have her friends, except for the one orange orangutan, on my side.

The rest of the night is casual, the two of us chatting it up taking turns holding the sleeping baby, until the conversation takes a turn as she is looking in my direction, "Have you thought about kids? I know you are avoiding the medi-witches…"

"Yes and yes." I smirk seeing the golden flecks in her eyes twinkle. "I am not opposed, but I need the right witch. You?"

"At one point I thought Ron, but we didn't click. Our lives, our careers, everything went in opposite directions. Luckily it was amicable. Probably wouldn't have been if Ginny and Molly didn't get involved. But now he's happy…"

"Are you? Happy I mean?"

Now it is her time for a sarcastic snigger, "Nah. I mean yes, but no. I wish I had someone to share my life with, have a relationship with, hell have sex with." She must have caught me blushing at that forthrightness. "Ginny keeps trying to set me up with her friends, but either they've known me forever or are interested because of my history. I just want…" her voice has a longing to it.

"Someone you can be yourself around? I know the feeling. Throw in an old family name and a massive inheritance and it sounds like me." I pause. It's now or never. I look down at the babe and think, come on good luck charm I'll buy you all the best brooms if this works. "Would you be interested in dinner with me one night?" I almost don't want to look up but I hear her take pause from the dishes, letting the water just run.

"You're not just…"

"I'm completely serious. Please Granger. Join me for dinner on Friday night. I'll pick you up at your place at 6:30."

"The Prophet will"

"Deal. We are both adults, we've been dealing with their nonsense since we were kids. Come on. Is it a date?"

"Is it a date Malfoy?" She turns around, looking at me skeptically.

"I would like it to be." My heart is on my sleeve. "You think on it. Someone needs his nappy changed." He doesn't, but it gives me an out and her a chance to think without being pressured. "Where are the nappies?"

She looks startled, "Oh, they are in the nursery. I'll show you." She wipes her hands on the apron and heads up the stairs, to the perfect nursery for a little Potter. There are snitches and brooms on a mobile over the crib, clouds painted on the walls, toys everywhere, and more clothes than even I had as an infant I think. She reaches down under the whitewashed changing table and pulls out a clean nappy and some wipes. "Do you need help?"

"Nah, I've done a few of these at the hospital. Most though aren't this wiggly except for the screamers. But he's doing much better now." I quickly set to work on changing the little boy, making sure that he doesn't shower me nor Granger. "This is a trick my aunt taught me when I was going through my training. Expose the boy parts, then cover them up again real quick. The cold air shocks the pee out of little boys and if you don't cover up then you get peed on."

"Ginny's mum had something similar. And Muggles have a pee-pee tee-pee. I may or may not have bought a dozen of them." She smiled with a little blush on her cheeks. "These are them."

"Oh Merlin's beard you put those over…" my brain was going a mile a minute looking at what could be considered a pee version of an infant protecting cup. "Ten points to the Muggles for creativity and another 10 for finding frivolous ways to take our galleons."

"But they're so cute," she whined like she probably did as a five year old who didn't get the book she wanted. "I don't think Gin's used them yet."

"Again with the frivolous ways to take our galleons. They are not necessary Granger. Merlin, they are actually quite embarrassing." I smile thinking of all the frivolous ways to spend the multitude of galleons on our future kids. "I must say this room is very Potter. The whole quidditch and snitches theme."

"Ginny's idea. She's hoping James gets some of their talent and makes the house team for Gryffindor at some point."

"Of course their kids will be Gryffindors," I fake a grumble as I make quick work of the little boy's nappy. "Like any of you think there could possibly be three other houses." I look over at her just cooing over the baby, she has the worst case of baby-fever of any witch I've seen in a long time. "Granger, there are a lot of ailments I can cure, but what you have is terminal." I say to startle her out of her funk.

"Wait, what? Terminal? What do you think I have exactly?"

Yeah it worked. I smirk over at her, "You have baby-fever. Highly contagious. I would recommend staying away from everyone under the age of 18 months and anyone pregnant. And if there is a gaggle of women in one place, don't drink the water."

She has a smile blazon across her face, "Malfoy I never knew you could be so funny. Yeah I guess I do have baby-fever. But without at least a boyfriend in my life." She pauses, hurt returning to her eyes, "Even Ron has someone now. He seems happy."

"Yeah, but I can tell you he isn't having sex." I give her a mischievous side eye.

"How do you? No never mind I don't want to know."

"I had to conduct his physical too. Either he – unlike his siblings I have done physicals for – has an abnormally high sperm count or…"

"Oh Merlin Draco, that is something I never ever want to know!" Two things caught me there: first the use of my given name, and second she didn't know. Since I was doing physicals on Weasley when they were together, I know it isn't the abnormally high sperm count due to genetics. During their time together it was in the normal range, even for a Weasley.

"I'm just saying, from a medical standpoint…" My hands go up in surrender as she whisks the baby away.

"I don't need to know my ex's sex life." She blushes, creating a rosy glow all around her only heightened by holding an infant.

"Let's see if he wants to go down to sleep. I'm willing to stay the night to evaluate him. That way we can get Potter back to work and his version of normal." That also means I can spend extra time with her and maybe, just maybe, get her to agree to that date. "Plus this little guy and I have an understanding." I see his little eyes peaking out thinking he might understand at least the aura of the room, but then he farts. "His explosive backside knows that I can deal with it better than most people and I'm here to help fix it."

"I'll run it by them, but I think right now he's probably hungry. I'm going to take him up to mummy" she is talking in the sweet baby talk again, "so he can have a full tummy before giving us another full diaper. Then you fart all you want on your uncle Draco."

'Uncle Draco'? Where did that come from? Not that I am going to fight it, but when did I become so engrained in the Potters? Maybe when I decided that I should date their best friend. Who knows, I might end up being the little guy's 'uncle Draco' one day?

When the baby and Granger returned about 30 minutes later, I was reading a book – some trashy novel thing that was more sexually charged than a group of drunken Hogwarts sixth years, something called _50 Shades of Grey_ … "What are you reading there Draco? Oh, um…"

She spotted the cover, which was innocuous enough which is what got me started; but once the story which seemed blasé enough got going, it was quite salacious. "Cough it out. It's yours, isn't it?"

"Ginny thought I needed a little encouragement in the relationship zone. She said my lack of men suitors recently reminded her of Anastasia."

I think truth be told, I am blushing at that statement. I know I couldn't look her in the eye, hell I couldn't look at her anywhere, "I don't know how to respond to that…"

"Then it's better you don't respond at all." She hands me the baby. "Go to Uncle Draco and make his night miserable."

Last thing on my mind is how this little boy is going to make my life miserable. I am now picturing her… shit, I'd better stop since I am holding an infant. "Are you staying the night?" I try and sound innocent about the whole thing?

"I usually spend one night a week here. It gets lonely at my place. I already fed my cat"

"You are much too young to become a crazy cat lady Granger."

"I haven't reached crazy cat lady yet. I only have one. Most crazy cat ladies have hoards."

"But it all starts with one." I think to myself, do I continue this train of thought? Hell, here goes, "Wait, didn't you have one in school. See it has already started." I turn my conversation to my wingman, "James, I need you to do me a big favor. Keep an eye on auntie Granger here. She is allowed only one cat at a time. And nothing orange again. The thing she had at school could only be considered a cat by genetics."

"Why did everyone hate Crookshanks?" It looks like she has had this conversation many times previously. "First Ron, then Harry, George, Fred, now you."

"Don't include me in the mess of Weasleys you just listed off. But that wasn't a cat Granger. That was some mutated version of a cat."

"Crooks was a good cat. Yeah he was so ugly he was cute."

"Maybe to auntie Granger he was cute, but between you and me James, that was a weird looking orange ball of walking fur, with an attitude to match."

Her laugh echoes in the small room, just before she yawns and sits on the couch right next to the chair I'm in, her eyes not leaving me and the baby now snuggled into my chest. "He likes you Draco." There's my name again. "He doesn't like everyone. Heck there are times he doesn't like anyone. But he likes you. I don't know if you're going to be able to break free from here, even tomorrow."

"Well I need to go to work and get a script for Ginny at least, but that could be quick. Other than that, my day is actually clear. I was going to check on a few patients while I am there though. I trust my coworkers, but I still want to make sure my patients are taken care of."

"That is what makes you such a good healer, Draco. That and your house calls to the Potters. If that gets out"

"No one needs to hear that I make house calls. Period. If it gets out I am making house calls to the Chosen One for his son, again the medi-witches will be all over me. I'd rather be considered gay." She giggles quietly, I can tell she's starting to fade off. "Good night Granger."

She hums a response as her body shifts to be lying down. I scoot over the chair I'm in so that I am within arms reach of her and start stroking her hair.

"James, my man, what am I going to do with her?" I ask the baby quietly. "She didn't say no, but she didn't agree either. She just circumvented the whole thing. Do I ask her again? Do I enlist your mum?" He smiles in his sleep at that, just before releasing another gas bomb. "Merlin, boy. You have the most toxic smells that come from your body. But that actually says that I'm on the right path. So about your mum, do you think she'll help?" The infant wiggles on my chest, his hand going under my shirt. "Fine, fine. You win." I unbutton my shirt and take off his pajamas, grabbing a blanket for the two of us. "I'll talk to your mum in the morning. And then probably ask auntie Granger again then too." Leaning back, I take one last look at the witch asleep next to me before closing my own eyes; knowing the baby will wake in a couple of hours hungry again.

When I open my eyes, it isn't because of a baby crying or even squirming. It is because I'm being blasted with sunshine in my eyes. My hand instantly goes to my chest and James isn't there. I sit up panicked.

"Don't worry mate," I hear the father say quietly, "Gin has him. I owe you. I can't remember when I slept that long in one stretch. But don't say anything or move, just look down at your hand." I am still a little foggy, but I do as he says only to see a witch's hand in mine. "That's how I found you two this morning. I don't know when, but you both seemed quite at ease with it."

"Potter…"

"Don't say anything. Gin told me. I guess 'Mione told her that you asked her out yesterday. For dinner?"

"Yeah," I say still not completely with it, "but she didn't give an answer."

"We're going to work on it. Plan for it. Nothing too fancy. She likes simple things: reading, quiet walks in the park, small cafés. Nothing flamboyant or Malfoy-ish. Understand."

"I was planning on going to this little place that is by a lake. It is a mom and pop place that makes an insane tiramisu."

"Perfect. Especially if she doesn't need to wear heals."

"She can go in jeans and trainers. It's really casual and relaxed, just stunning views at dusk."

"Now don't rent the whole place out or anything like that either. Make her feel comfortable. And daisies. Bring daisies."

"Daisies. Got it. Anything else I should know?"

He shakes his head, "Just treat her well. And if you keep it up with James, we might make you part of the family one day."

I look at her petite hand in mine; Merlin knows that is something I would like.

I stayed for breakfast, which was a lovely show put on by the ladies while Potter and I discussed what I thought was the underlying issue regarding his son. "It's simple, she just has to change a few things and his stomach won't feel so bloated all the time. You also should be seeing less disgusting nappies soon."

"But you don't get it, she is addicted. Milk in her tea, cream in her porridge, cheese on everything. And butter! Merlin the whole family lives off butter I think. She wasn't so bad during her pregnancy."

"Ding ding ding! That would be James saying it didn't agree with him. Instead of milk and cream try almond milk. There are also ways around the cheese. Until then, I want her taking the potion I'll send in once I get to my desk. It will help."

"Malfoy, honestly, I might need you to keep my sanity through this all. You don't understand Molly's cooking."

"Well, if you want I can talk to her about some adjustments to the recipes that can help with her daughter and grandson. I have yet to meet a grandmother that wouldn't change the stars for her grandbaby. Except mine that is but the Blacks and Malfoys weren't typical grandparents."

"Ginny was right, Saint Draco. I'll owl Molly what needs to be adjusted. Now where can I get these items?"

"Muggle stores carry most of them. Stay away from soymilk though. I found it is pretty – ick." I cringe at the thought of the taste. It is just not my favorite. "I much prefer almond milk myself, it is a little sweet so Ginny will adjust her tea and porridge accordingly."

"Malfoy in a muggle store. Will miracles never cease?" Potter was laughing but it only made the baby attached to his shirtless chest squirm. "This kid… if we hadn't decided to have more than one before he was born, it would stop with him right now."

"Just give your family a little time to adjust. He's still a newborn. He will get his own little patterns that with both your help, will fit well, and then before long you'll be bringing him to me with broken bones since he tried to jump off a bookshelf or tried to fly in a non-flying broom down the stairs."

"Malfoy, tell me you haven't seen things like that already? Because Merlin help me, I can already see it."

"You have nieces and nephews with the last name of Weasley, correct? I think I see at least one a week with a ridiculous injury. And somehow they seem to ask for me by name…"

"That would be my wife's doing. She keeps talking you up when the family gets together. This probably won't help either."

"Eh, handling the famous Weasley family kids and their random injuries looks good for me. But some of them, sorry Potter, but their injuries question their intelligence. Like George's kids last week…"

He is laughing, well trying not to because my wingman is happily sleeping, "Don't bring that up. We all saw it and I couldn't believe it. How a 3 year old ended up on the roof with a semi-professional quidditch broom in his hand is beyond me. And then to jump? That is a move neither Gin nor I would try. They are fearless."

"Senseless is more like it." I barely say it louder than a mumble, but he heard me.

"I don't think I've seen Molly that mad in… well it's been awhile. Probably since George's wedding when he decided to 'make a statement' with the hors d'oeuvres."

"I don't want to know" I grumble but I think I'm going to find out anyways.

"They were dragon chili poppers, so they needed to be in the shape of dragons and dragons fly… So we had flying dragon chili poppers that would actually breathe a puff of fire before flying into random peoples mouths. Or noses. Or the one that somehow ended up going up Neville's"

I hold up my hand to stop him mid-sentence only now remembering the aftermath, "Don't finish that statement. I saw the aftermath on Longbottom. Or as he was called in triage, 'Hotbottom'."

"Yeah that one we are still wondering how drunk he got to moon the party." I could see Potter's demeanor change as he took a breath looking at the closed doorway that led to the kitchen. "Ginny's in there talking to 'Mione about going on that date with you. What did she say anyways?"

"She dodged it completely. Didn't even acknowledge it past the 'is it a date?' inquiry. I don't know Potter, all I can do is think 'She's it. She's the one.' But she doesn't see me like that."

"Bullocks. She does and it scares her. She hasn't seen herself with anyone since sixth year but Ron, and we both know how well that turned out. I think it was worse yesterday when she saw you with James."

"I know that's how I felt Potter. I saw her holding him and just about lost it. If I didn't have my head screwed on tight, then it would have been me on one knee instead of asking her to dinner." I chuckle thinking back to her in that little frilly apron, then her baby talk. Oh Merlin, I'm whipped and I can't even get her to commit to a date or not.

"If you need, I don't see a problem setting up a babysitting night – say Saturday - where Gin and I mistakenly ask both of you to watch James." I see a little Slytherin in him come through, and honestly I like it.

"Potter this seems so un-Gryffindor of you."

"Au contraire, it is very Gryffindor. We see something that is wrong and have to fix it. Especially when it concerns those we love dearly. Now the methodology may be a little underhanded, but still we are brave enough to admit when strategy needs to prevail over bulling straight into a china shoppe. It's called 'growth' my friend. Growing up past the stereotypes that emanated from the houses we were sorted into at the young age of 11 to mature and – well – steal the best qualities."

Halfway through that pompous pontification, I lost it. All manner of decorum flew out the window. Here is the Chosen Schmuck talking like a bloody Oxford Professor. Luckily I was saved by a brunette witch announcing that breakfast was ready and that James probably should have his also.

Breakfast went smoothly, except for those moments where Potter, Granger and I 'ganged up on' Ginny by removing all dairy from her reach. There were squelches that rivaled banshees about how she could never drink a proper cuppa again without 'just a splash' of milk. I told Granger before I had to leave that I would come back and drag Potter to go shopping for replacement options for his wife.

"I'll go with you both. I haven't been in Tesco in ages. I should probably pick up some real food for my house." I was taken back by the ease that she integrated herself into the dialog. "And also Harry can get out of the house and choose options for Ginny to try. We probably will have to bring stuff over to the Burrow for the first couple of visits." I watch her mouth move nearly as fast as her brain as she is creating lists and making sure all the necessary precautions are handled for her best friend and godson. The witch was a sight to behold; caring, brilliant, forthright. A smile slipped my lips just watching her in all her glory. "Why the goofy look on your face Draco?"

"Nothing, just in awe of you. I see why your side won and how Potter is still alive after all the trouble he caused throughout the years."

"I don't know if I should thank you or be somewhat insulted that you just put down my best friend's saving the world as 'causing trouble'." She looked at me questioning.

"It's a complement. Take it and run." I take a breath, getting up my nerve to ask her again before I have to leave for the hospital for the day, "Granger, I was wondering…"

"Friday pick me up at 6 at my place. Just let me know what to wear. It is the one thing I really hate about dating, I never know what to wear and am either too dressy or not dressy enough."

"Wear something your comfortable in. Hopefully you won't see me in scrubs but let's just say where we're going they wouldn't be surprised to see me dressed like that." I smile brightly, before taking her hand in mine and kissing it. "I'll see you after my rounds." There's a spring in my step as I make my way to the hospital.

Said spring didn't last long once I got there though. I was able to get the potion for Ginny, I checked on my patients, but before I was able to leave "Healer Malfoy! Oh thank Merlin, you're needed in triage immediately. It's… well someone you know has a personal issue and is asking for you specifically."

I was 15 steps away. 15 steps from freedom. From going shopping with Granger. Alright, Granger and Potter, but that is a formality. Now I being drug into the 4th level of hell, also known as St Mungo's emergency triage unit. "Who is asking for me?"

"He's an auror. One of the more famous ones. You know, war hero and all that." Well that leaves only about 6 or so that consider themselves 'war heroes' with the big two being Potter and Weasley.

"Well I have Potter off duty. Actually I was at his house earlier today and I have to take a potion over to theirs. So who is it?" I stare down the medi-witch.

"Weasley sir. Ronald Weasley."

Oh this is going to be good. Bloody good indeed.

Thirty minutes later and I have removed a muggle sex toy from a part of Weasley that no man should be made to witness, under 'the strictest of silences, right mate?' I then had to explain the whole healer-patient protocol and let him know that when I am finished with him, I am heading to see his sister and brother in law. I didn't need to give the second half of that information, except for the remarkable reaction that it induced. He was embarrassed prior, when he came in. Now he was bloody panicked that somehow his big mouthed sister would find out and announce it to the family at their next family dinner. Just the implanting of the idea in his head was enough to warrant the looking at intimate parts of Weasley that I was forced to recon with.

"Now for next time, please read the directions fully before inserting anything into any bodily cervices where said device can be lodged or moved on its own accord. Otherwise I may not be here to help extricate said device." I look down at a meek Weasley, all while thinking of the amount of blackmail I can get out of this. "And I vow on my oath as a healer not to divulge this to anyone not entitled thereto including but not limited to Hermione Granger, Harry Potter, and Ginny Potter. Does that meet with your specifications?"

"Malfoy, will you please just shut the bloody hell up. Is there any way that I can get a pain potion? I think it hurt more to get it out than it did to have it in."

"Yes one is on the way. Also, just for future reference: I would also advise against any little blue muggle pills. There have been some wizards that have come in with some hard to release side effects from them. Now if there is nothing else, I have an appointment with your sister and brother in law and Granger."

"'Mione? What are you doing with her?"

Ah the famous Weasel temper flare up at the mention of his ex-girlfriend. No wonder she really hasn't had many dates since their breakup, he puts a quash to them before they can transpire. "She is joining us on a little muggle store shopping trip. Stuff to help Ginny and James. She needed to get some stuff she said for her place, so she's joining us." I say completely at over-ease, just to irk him further.

"No. Ow!" He tries to get up but in his sensitive condition, moving – especially walking – is going to be pain inducing for about an hour or so. Which is about the time that the pain potion was ordered for. "I don't get why you need to go shopping with them?"

"I am having Ginny try something with her diet. Now this morning was a protest-fest so we are going to stock up on what we can replace what we are eliminating from her diet, specifically dairy. So I wanted to show Potter what can be used in replacement for what she likes and craves."

"And 'Mione is just – what tagging along?"

"Pretty much. After last night she understands why her little godson is so cranky and well she was a big help."

"Last night? This morning? What happened? Did you stay over there or something?"

"Good job Weasley. 10 points to Gryffindor. Yes the both of us stayed over, making sure James was comfortable and sleeping. Which he did. He slept on my chest actually. He's a pretty good baby when he's not in massive pain from gas." Weasley's face goes slack as I turn to take my leave. "Now you're clear to leave once the paperwork is complete and you get that pain potion. I hope not to see you soon, so stay away from any toys labeled 18 years and older."

The shopping trip was uneventful, except for finding out that there was a baby-safe howler sent from one Molly Weasley to her daughter instructing her to follow every single order that her 'exceptional personal healer' recommends. No questions asked. I was included in said howler with the note that if she doesn't follow my instructions, to let Molly know immediately and she will sit her daughter down. She also requested any recipes that I could recommend for Ginny's new diet.

I found out from Potter that Molly thinks I am just this side of Dumbledore. I try, stress try because you can never fully change a Weasley's mind, to convince her otherwise; I have faults, many of them, but I am trying to overcome them daily. She says she is even more impressed on how I take to muggle ideas, especially when it comes to magical/muggle healing therapies.

Friday I go to get Granger for our date, and I barely was able to get out of the hospital in time to change. She almost had me in my healer scrubs. Yeah I go for muggle scrubs too, found out they get most bodily fluids out easier than healer robes, but I still have to have my robes over them. Trust me when I say I am converting most of the staff to the 'scrub life' as we say.

But I get out of the hell that is triage for the day, only having one child of someone I know showing up with an accident and another with a nasty stomach virus and both kids I was called on for a consult immediately. It was slow when it comes to the 'friends and family' side of healing. No aurors and no Weasleys. Plus and double plus.

I race home and jump in the shower to high pressure hose myself off from the day. I have time to slide into some charcoal slacks and a grey-blue polo shirt. I throw a black leather jacket over it, knowing pretty well that it will be on Granger before the night if everything goes as planned. I have a reservation at the little restaurant on the lake, Café Moda. Then afterwards I plan on taking a stroll around the lake on one of the many paths that I usually take my morning run on. It is quiet and somewhat secluded, the lake not known to many and the restaurant known to fewer, and it would be the easy and comfortable first date.

Daisies and a decent new book in hand, I knock on her door at exactly 6pm. I hear her running down the stairs at her flat, I know the inside of her flat probably better than I should but that is because the woman is famous for taking her work home with her and the two of us have had some momentous debates in her living room, especially when it came to the health and safety regulations of house elves that she authored. I hear a crash on the other side of the door and prepare myself for an emergency quick heal. She opens it after a few colorful words, making me chuckle, and I see a vase in pieces on the floor behind her.

"Tell me it was only the vase that met with an accident, Granger."

"Well the vase was the victim when my heel decided to break on the way down the stairs." She holds up the perpetrating heel. "I have to go and change my shoes; I'll be right back." Then she notices the gifts in my hand before she even turns, "Oh are those for me?" I nod, "I… I mean you didn't have to… Oh daisies. I love daisies."

"And I bought you something new to read. Something that isn't so… um…"

"Blush inducing. I know. It was not something I would have on my regular reading list but I seem to be expanding my horizons. Even in literature."

"Well this isn't in the same genre, but I found it quite stimulating." I stress the last word sounding eerily like our former potions professor at school. Honestly there was a coworker's copy left in the lounge and I read it over lunch and before my shift started again, I needed a cold shower.

"I look forward to reading it." Her smile goes straight below the belt. It doesn't help that she has a casual elegance to her tonight. She's wearing a pale peach linen off the shoulder ruffle topped dress that cinches at her tiny waist and that flows out to a full skirt. The large ruffle that covers her bustline has an off white floral pattern that is mirrored at the hem of the skirt. She has it paired with a woven off white leather belt and strappy heeled sandals. Well that was until the heel of the one broke. Now I look forward to see what she pairs with it. She has a bohemian chic look to the outfit and her hair is matching, the front part pulled up in a braid and the back curls still free. When she turned I saw little flowers pinned in her hair. Her makeup – well it was light and very much her. Just a pinch of color that highlight her natural beauty. Simple, yet fun. Perfect for this evening.

She comes down without the offending heels, now in wedge sandals in a rosy gold color that goes well with the rest of the ensemble. "You look absolutely stunning Miss Granger."

"Thank you. And I am so glad that I had a hint from Harry how to dress. He said the place we are going has seen you in scrubs?"

"Well yes, but that is usually when I grab something to bring back to my flat. There are days that it is just too much to cook."

She nods, "Oh good, at least I am not the only one who has days like that. For me it is between the burger joint, Chinese take away, or Thai restaurants."

"Who do you go to when you need a sinful dessert?"

"The burger joint. Double thick chocolate, chocolate chip shake with two cherries. Every single time."

I laugh, "Mine is the tiramisu where we are going. Though that shake sound downright illegal."

"It is my PMS cure all. Harry even knows about it. There have been a couple of times where he just brings one into work when he knows I won't like what he has to tell me."

"Noted." And I do. I will have to talk to Potter to find where this burger joint is. "I am going to stop in this weekend but maybe you can brace me: how is little James?" I take her hand as we go down the path in her quaint front yard and stroll down the street to a safe place to apparate to the restaurant.

"Merlin, I should warn you: Ginny and Harry and Molly think you are the next Merlin himself. He is such a happy boy now. He's sleeping, still on Harry but he doesn't seem to mind, and his nappies are much less disgusting shall we say. Harry and Gin both get about 4 to 5 hours of sleep now a night and after that first night, well Harry had no idea how you could sleep through little James's gas bombs. He thinks that the aurors need to bottle that toxic smell and weaponize it."

"And Ginny? How is she with the dietary restrictions?"

She sighs and rolls her eyes, "Three days of hell. Molly babysat her so she wouldn't cheat, even though Harry threw everything dairy out. By the fourth day she was somewhat normal again. And with the additional sleep she's getting, she is pretty much her bubbly self."

"She went through withdraws. It is normal. People with any type of quote addiction, they all have it. It doesn't matter if it is firewhiskey or drugs or coffee or cheese. Your body reacts to the loss of the item and it can be up to weeks for all the withdraw affects to subside. So keep an eye on her. But it sounds like both baby and mommy are happy. I expect Potter will be knocking on my door soon to get him back in the field?"

"No actually. James seems to have taken to sleeping on daddy too well. Now he won't sleep elsewhere. So for each of his naps, he is on Harry. Which means Harry can sleep too."

"Good, I can put him on desk duty with that. He can work cases from home with the little man attached to him. Or I can recommend a 'daddy kangaroo pouch' that he can wear at work."

"Oh please!" She is laughing and completely free looking, "I want to see him around the other aurors with James in a baby pouch. Everyone will laugh at him behind his back but no one would dare to do it to his face. Except maybe Kingsley. Yeah he would."

"And you of course."

"True. I always tell Harry the whole truth. Even when he is being ridiculous."

"So you are the one who keeps his ego in check. What is Weasley's excuse?"

"He doesn't listen to me. It's that simple." She stops her walking for a brief moment, "Is it true what I heard? That Ron was in the hospital recently for an – um – personal problem."

"Well as his healer, which it seems I am the Weasley family healer unofficially, I cannot discuss it."

"Let me just tell you what I heard: that he was in triage with an adult toy lodged where it was unable to be retrieved and it was in the 'on' position until the batteries ran out." I snort at that last part. "George told me. I guess Ron went in with his girlfriend and he had her call George to pick him up afterwards since she took off and hasn't talked to him since."

That's another one that he's gone through recently. I wonder if my talk during the physical hit home and that is why he ended up like that.

"The nurses told George that he had asked for you to help." I think the look on my face gives any question of the veracity of the story away.

"Let's just say if I ever become the official Weasley family healer, I am asking for a sizable pay raise."

"You should. And Harry now owes me 10 galleons." She smirked just before I take her arm and apparate to our dinner reservation.

The dinner went better than planned. The owner's wife, a lovely lady named Maria Polumbo, came and sat down with us and chatted up Granger like old friends. Our stroll didn't last long, there was a nip in the air after the sun set, which being the gentleman I was raised, Granger got my jacket. But still she wanted to retire early and yet at midnight we were still on her couch talking over cups of tea.

"I don't want you to leave tonight. It was perfect."

"Neither do I, but in a few hours I need to go check on a few patients. I had a couple of friend's kids come in yesterday – Tracy Finnegan's and Theo Nott's. Then I was going to stop by and check in on James and Ginny." I stand and grab my jacket, reluctantly making my way to the door.

"Well I am babysitting James tomorrow – oh I mean tonight. Maybe I will see you then."

I kiss her cheek, "I had a splendid night Granger. Would it be brash of me to ask for a second date?"

"I would be offended if you didn't." She leans up and kisses my lips. The sweetest, most innocent kiss I could imagine, but so Granger. "I look forward to your owl Draco."

"Yes, Hermione, you will." I say her given name and it sounds sinful from my lips. I turn thinking of all the ways I want to say her name, all the sinful ways that bring my member to an inevitable hardness. A cold shower won't help, only my hand as I dream of her tonight in my bed. I just wish this dream will be reality soon.

And all thanks to my little wingman. I owe him a broom, one day.


End file.
